Witnessed in the stacks, on the floor, or (heaven help us) at the desk.
AM phone customer: Can you tell me what the local arson laws are?
PM phone customer: I need to know the proper procedure for working with a dead body.
Woman with long grey hair and a Doctor Who shirt: Can you tell me about the asteroid that’s passing by earth today?
Me: Sure. What would you like to know?
Woman: I want to know what the signs and meaning of it is. Also, will there be aliens on it?
Woman: Would you believe I was at the mall the other day and I saw Lucifer! Can you tell me if he’s real?
After a very long day of dealing with thugs and hooligans:
Man: Excuse me, can you tell me what the definition of “assault” is?
Me <wearily>: You need the definition of “a salt”?
Man: Yeah, assault. Specifically, I want to how far you can go before you go to jail.
Me <with great indignation>: I am NOT telling you that!
If today was a newspaper headline, it would read: “Angry Woman Calls Reference Desk to Complain That Friendly Woman Talked To Her During Last Visit.”
A woman on Saturday: Why don’t you have any books that I want? This is a library! You should have all the books, all the time. There’s nothing here I want to read.
A man on Monday: Why do you have so many books? Who’s going to read all these? This is an unnecessary use of my tax dollars.
A man in an old checkered sweater: I want you to print me some coloring pictures.
Man: Of dinosaurs.
Man: Zombie dinosaurs.
Passed by the stacks and caught a fleeting glimpse of a large man with hair longer than mine, pulled into pigtails by strips of aluminum foil. He was wearing lime-colored leggings, a lime-colored tutu, and a t-shirt. I kept walking.